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Saturday, March 31, 2012


I know it's been a week, but there really hasn't been much to report.  School's been kinda "meh," and I've been playing a lot of Fallout: New Vegas lately, and I am loving every minute (even if the DLC enemies tend to be a bit OP sometimes).

But, not everything is smooth sailing as I head into spring break.  I have a real close friend who is in need of serious help.  His depression is just getting worse and I am, unfortunately, in no position to do anything but sit at my computer and try to tell him the "final solution" isn't the answer to his problems.  I just hate being so fucking helpless in a situation like this.  He's been there every goddamn time I needed him, and yet all I can do for him when he needs something is feed him the same clich√©, unhelpful bullshit he could get at a hotline.  Best I'm able to do is try to engage him in banter to distract him, but even his wit is going, so the effects are minimal at best.  I just don't want him to go.  Not yet.  Not like this.  He deserves more than this.  He's always been a decent sort to me.  Made my Sophomore year the best year of my life.  In my book, that's a debt that can never be indemnified.  And I can't even afford to make the minimum payments on it.

I've always had the nagging feeling that my number is coming up soon.  And up until this started, I was going to just take it in stride, because it happens to everyone.  Now, good ol' Death is going to have to drag me kicking and screaming if he wants me to go before my friend pulls himself together.  Because with God, Zeus, Odin, or whoever is out there as my witness, I'm not going down without a fight if my friends are in trouble.  Because they're all I've got.

"If we must die…[let it be] like men…pressed to the wall…but fighting back" -- Claude McKay

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